“Betray”: (1) “to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to: to betray one’s friend.” (2) “to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling: to betray a trust (Dictionary.com).”
Betrayal is a most debilitating experience and is not always easily overcome, especially when the betrayer is someone whom you have loved and cherished with all your heart and soul, because it oftentimes is accompanied by loss of a friend or relationship.
Sometimes we experience betrayal at the hands of another, however, betrayal can also be felt when we betray ourselves by not remaining true to that which we know is right in an effort to please another. In some cases we may even feel at times that God Himself has betrayed us by not protecting us from the acts of betrayal hoisted upon us by others.
The facts are that at one time or another, each of us will experience betrayal and the key to recovering is how we choose to respond and deal with it not only externally, but internally as well.
In my case the betrayal was that of infidelity, which ultimately resulted in abandonment.
When my ex-husband intentionally chose to betray everything we had built over more than 20 years, I was hurt and angry. I was also forced to intentionally make a choice. I could either allow the circumstances to forever define me, scar me with issues of atonement causing me to become bitter, or I could choose to forgive quickly, learn from and allow the circumstances to help me grow and make me better.
Though I selected the latter, the process was not easy. The truth is I personally sustained a huge hit in the areas of self-worth, as well as my ability to move beyond the betrayal and abandonment. Each hit created a state of mental confusion, distress and a loss of identity. Looking at what I was faced with I knew that I had every right to be angry and blame him for inflicting such horrible pain not only on me but also our then, 8 year old daughter. Nevertheless, I chose and still choose everyday a path towards life anew, not only for myself, but for my daughter too. I intentionally endeavored to smile again… live again… and love again.
The path of my healing was not an easy one. It was filled with a grueling and sometimes painful process. There was no room for deflection or blaming of others, but rather it required looking inward to discover what role I played to find myself in this place, and to work proactively to change my patterns of behaviors and choices. The same will be true for you.
If you find yourself in a similar situation and you desire to break free from your feelings of betrayal and bitterness I encourage you to take these steps:
- You must first decide that you are ready to put the past behind you, and move forward.
- Rising from the ashes of betrayal and bitterness will not just happen with the passage of time, it is an act of your will.
- This will be hard for some, but accept that you played a role in the relationship’s failure.
- This is not about pointing fingers. No room for deflection or blaming others — this is about you and your ability to cultivate healthier relationships in the future.
- Seek professional help if necessary to assure that you uncover the root of the issue.
- This is not about pointing fingers. No room for deflection or blaming others — this is about you and your ability to cultivate healthier relationships in the future.
- When the process becomes too painful and you feel like giving up…
- Trust God! God loves you. God is with you during this process, and if you let go and trust Him, God will guide you through this process.
- Prayer and fasting is an effective way to draw near to God for the strength needed in this process.
- Enlist the help of a couple close friends and/or loved ones willing to walk out this process with you. God created us to be in relationship with Himself and others. He never intended for us to be ‘lone rangers’.
- Trust God! God loves you. God is with you during this process, and if you let go and trust Him, God will guide you through this process.
- Commit to changing your behavior patterns.
- Commit to making better choices.
Proverbs 4:7 states, “Wisdom is the principle thing; therefore get wisdom. And in all of your getting, get understanding (NKJV).” And with that, what you will find at the end of the process is a path which leads away from brokenness to wholeness; away from anger to a calm and quiet strength, no longer in bondage to betrayal but rather blessed with the genuine ability to smile again… live again… and love again! #smileagainliveagainloveagain
Tracey T. Williams 
Beautifully written.
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Thanks sis!
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Very impactful article. I can relate to it on many levels in life.
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Thank you Dena! What a blessing you have been to me in this process. God bless you sis!
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All of our lives are a sum total of the choices that we make, weather we are intentionally standing in the light or choosing to knowingly do wrong. Weather or not we choose to admit it, we play an active role in the both the hurt and joy of our lives. With love and relationship come the basic understanding of commitment, with marriage comes the understanding of covenant. You can easily be swept up in a concept of love and never be under covenant. The most powerful reality for each one of us is that how our life unfolds is as a result of ALL of our actions. So if you wanna recover from someone who did you dirty, Live YOUR life successfully and that is it’s own reward. Don’t be stuck on what was done or how they did it. Just use the gifts God gave you to understand what you are going thru. Take notes along the way so that you learn from your choice. Aways treat others the way you wish to be treated. And always ask yourself, “What role did I play in what went wrong”? Your answers if honest will keep you close to reality. To live in illusion will only set you up on a path to potentially make more bad choices, and rob you of precious time that God has given you to be about his business. I too have had things happen in my life. I chose to focus on living in the realness of my aftermath and prospering beyond the material world.
Dave Hampton
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Dave,
Thank you for your comments. They were both very thoughtful and thought provoking.
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Awesome testimony! I pray for you and your daughters strength and that as you continue to share with the world, others will receive your testimony so that their healing, restoration, and deliverance will take place.
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Amen Machelle. Thank you so very much for your comment, your prayers and encouragement. I pray today, that God continues to bless and keep you and yours! Be blessed sis!
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Such a powerful testimony.Thank you for your candor. When we share our story it no longer has power over us. Praise God that you are no longer bound. God bless you!!!
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Thank you so very much K354828 for your comments of encouragement! I praise God everyday for His hand guiding me through the process of healing to this place, God is faithful, and only He could have done it! Blessings to you too!
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Tracey, I’m so proud of how you have turned lemons into lemonade–sweet lemonade. You are phenomenal. I believe that your best and most peace-filled days are ahead of you. Glad to be part of your support system.
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Deborah, thank you so very much for your comments of encouragement and support. I am so blessed to have you in my life. I am keenly aware that God has always had a purpose for my pain; part of which was to draw me closer to himself so that He could further deepen my roots and grow me up spiritually in Him. But also in order that I may walk out the scripture in 2 Cor. 1:4 which states “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us (NIV).” This is my mission; this is my goal. And I am so grateful that you are a part of my support system! Thanks again, and may God bless you!!
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Hi cuz, this is a beautiful testimony, I thank God all the time for our grandmother and our parents she nurture to nurture us about him to bring us through it all✋🏽🙏🏾. Love you and your family too the moon and back🤗😘.
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Thank you cousin Melody! Yes, our pedigree is an awesome one; one that places God first in every endeavor and in battling every hurt and its resulting pain. Relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is the best legacy any parent can leave his/or child. With Christ we can do all things, but without Him we can do nothing! God bless you Melody. I love you and my Houston family so much!
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